I'm so goddamn boring...

I haven't had a SINGLE exciting or interesting thing to post to this blog in 45 days. I was too emotionally distraught after the election to say anything coherent about it, so I chose not to. Other than that, I've been so busy at work that I'm too tired to even look at the computer when I get home, so I don't read nearly as much news as I used to and therefore am not able to comment on current events in any meaningful way.

Ethan's been hounding me to update this blog, but I honestly have had bugger all to say. Before I started this blog, I was of a mind that regular people shouldn't have them. Who wants to read their mundane, banal bullshit? Four months later I still feel that way, but I'm not a quitter so I have to stick with it out of spite.

Obviously not blogging, I've been spending my time doing things I genuinely enjoy: reading, snuggling on the couch with Ethan and the dogs, cooking. I love winter because I can enjoy those things without feeling guilty about not going out more. It's like winter gives us a meteorological excuse to be a hermit.

If it were up to me, people would hibernate in winter. I really have no desire to go out from around mid-December to mid-March. I don't think it's SAD (as in Seasonal Affective Disorder, not pitiful), because I'm really happy being indoors. I'm not moping, I have a blast! And it seems completely natural to me, because by the time spring rolls around I've had enough solitude and can't wait to get outdoors again, allergies be damned.

Unfortunately, I'm married to a very social type who goes stir crazy if we stay in even three nights in a row. He literally gets "antsy." Okay, so not literally, because that would mean he had actual ants in his pants and I never, ever want to witness that. He gets squeamish and girly at the sight of one bug. I can't imagine if he were crawling with hundreds of them. In his defense, he's very manly in a lot of ways, too :).

So I do have ONE interesting thing to report. Last night we went into the city for dinner and a movie with Susannah (That's not the interesting thing). After the film we went to Veselka on 9th and 2nd Ave. for coffee and dessert. Halfway through my carrot cake I look to my left (we had a killer table right next to the restrooms...yak!) and there's Rufus Wainwright coming out of the loo (That's the interesting part). I had to look at him a second until my brain figured out if he was someone I went to school with, a friend of a friend or a celebrity, but the penny finally dropped and I realized it was him. I'm a big fan. I didn't talk to him. I'm not a celebrity approacher. I can't make an ass out of myself like that.

That made my night. It was like God had decided to reward me for getting my fat ass off the couch for a change. I love New York.

I'm off for some husband and canine snuggles. Take care and I promise to check in more often. Matter of fact, I just might make that my New Year's Resolution along with drinking 8 glasses of water a day and cleaning once a week and paying bills on time, and....ha ha ha! I kill myself.

Love,
Veekee

Oops, almost forgot...

Let me not retire from blogging for the evening without taking this opportunity to address my husband of 366 days directly:

Ethan,

Despite all the shitty, shitty, shitty things that happened to us this year, I'm still insanely glad that I married you and loopy in love. You're still the funniest, most interesting, sharp-tongued sonofabitch I have ever met. In a year full of heartache and tough breaks, it was comforting to know that our relationship was the one thing I never had to worry about. Here's hoping 2005 is a little easier on us--and that we're a little easier on ourselves and each other.

Happy anniversary, bubbe.

XOXOXOXOXOX

V

32 Days to a New America...

or the end of the world. After tonight's debate, the former doesn't seem so impossible.

It's very late and I'm very tired. Been working hard at the new job, so I haven't had the time or energy to post my daily political diatribes to this here blog o' mine, but I just had to say how impressed I was with Kerry tonight. He was concise, clear and to the point. I especially liked how he mimicked Bush's strategy of staying on message and reiterating the key points he wanted to get out to the american people tonight.

I daresay he was even better than the president at this tactic. He was able to skillfully weave his talking points into the question at hand whereas Bush seemed to invoke his when he couldn't come up with a satisfactory answer, whether his particular mantra of choice made sense in context or not.

And despite the Repubs downplaying Bush's debating abilities and playing up Kerry's in the hopes that Bush would appear successful so long as he didn't make a complete ass of himself, I think he still came out looking like he hasn't the slightest clue what he's talking about. He sounded like a trained parrot, frankly.

Let's just hope the remaining debates go as well for Johnny Boy as this one tonight.

Big ups to Jon Stewart (my other Jewish boyfriend--the other being Marc Maron) for not being a pussy while interviewing Giuliani and actually calling him on that bullshit statement of his about Kerry flip flopping on whether or not Saddam was a threat. He's such a fucking whore. The only way his post-debate commentary could have possibly been more vile would be if he were actually wiping W's seed off his chin while he was talking to Tom Brokaw.

Okay, that was a little too vicious even for me. I'd best be off to bed.

Take care, kiddies.

XO

Thank God for low centers of gravity. Sometimes being short has its perks. Susannah, Ethan and I defying hurricane-like winds to complete the 2004 Walk for PKD on 9/18/04.  

Neither Rain Nor Sleet...

This past Saturday was not the most ideal day to schlep around Liberty State Park with the remains of hurricane Frances or Ivan or whichever wreaking havoc on the weather, but we managed to complete the 5k Walk for PKD nonetheless. Fear not, generous donors--your contributions did not go to waste. In fact, the NJ chapter more than raised its goal of $42,000, making the walk a complete and utter success. We were all glad to be a part of it!

We woke up at 8:00 am to heavy rains and flooding, but, thankfully, the skies cleared in time for the actual walk. The wind, however, was another story. For the first 2.5k it was our friend, pushing us along our way. The way back was brutal. I felt like a mime, except with real wind. So I guess that's not really miming, but you get my meaning...

Who knew walking 5k was such a workout? We were useless the rest of the day, relaxing and watching movies. Sunday we slept until 3:00 pm, did laundry and then visited the Shingletons for a bit.

My first two days at the new job have gone relatively smoothly. Right now I'm in charge of booking CME presentations on Stress Urinary Incontinence (check out the "clinical tools" on www.stressui.org for a good giggle. I highly recommend the pelvic floor muscle assessment and physical exam tipsheet--I can laugh, I've had Stress UI). I have 4 all but booked out of 9. Apparently I'm doing better than my two counterparts working on the same project, so I may need to reign it in so as to a) not piss them off and b) keep my bosses from expecting so much effort on a regular basis. At least I know I'm making a decent impression.

I barely have a cube. Since I'm on the end I have no back wall, so my back is completely exposed. I hate that. I have a Wild Bill Hickock complex, I always like to have my back to a wall so I can survey the entire room. I feel unprotected. I also startle easily, so maybe they'll move me to a better cube after 2 or 3 occurrences of someone coming up behind me and me screaming "JESUS!!!!" at the top of my lungs.

In other news: This Friday at sundown begins Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement and (sigh...) fasting. We'll see how good we do on the second half of that--the atoning we have down pat. It's the not-stuffing-our-faces-for-24-hours that needs some work.

I'm off to bed. The only reason I'm still up this late is because I passed out on the couch from 8:30-11:00 pm. Getting up an extra half hour early really f's up your whole groove, man.

Good Yuntiff!

Technically, Rosh Hashanah ended at sundown, but l'shanah tovah to any readers of the Jewish persuasion.

Tonight we went to Ethan's Uncle Joe and Aunt Eileen's in Brooklyn for Rosh Hashanah dinner. There were about 16 Jews gossiping and stuffing their faces with gefilte fish (I tried it for the first time ever. Not a fan, frankly), brisket, turkey, kasha varnishkas, potatoes, etc. etc. We had a blast. It was my first opportunity to see how a normal(ish) Reform Jewish family spends the holidays so I know what to do when we have our own family. I'll be leaving out the gefilte fish, however.

As Ethan mentioned on his blog, we were at their house on Tuesday as well--which was another first for me, my first live boxing match. I was excited to go as we're all big fans of the main eventer Dimitriy "Star of David" Salita. He's an up and coming Jewish boxer. Cute kid originally from Odessa, Ukraine now fighting out of Brooklyn. As Ethan says, he's a great technical fighter, but it's difficult to tell if he has any power punches.

I love watching him because, as an observant orthodox Jew, he often comes out to the ring with his spiritual advisor/rabbi with stars of David containing his initials emblazoned on his robe and trunks. This night the rabbi didn't accompany him to the ring, but in his stead were what can only be called a "hardcore klezmer band." Maybe even "hardcore surf klezmer." Imagine Korn, The Beach Boys and The Klezmatics rolled into one. He really likes to push the Jewish angle. It amuses me greatly. If you go to his website, www.dsalita.com, and go to the photo gallery, among the photos of him training and beating the crap out of his opponents, there's one of him in his prayer shawl strapping on his tefillin.

I must say that watching boxing live is a lot different than watching on TV. Watching on TV gives you that extra layer of detachment that keeps you from really being affected by the violence happening in the ring. I was actually a little squeamish at first, witnessing it live. One of the Irish brothers who fought, whom Ethan mentioned on his post, was knocked out cold by a Puerto Rican fighter. I missed the punch, but when I turned back to the ring he was lying face down and his legs were twitching. For one second I was afraid he'd be a vegetable and I'd be traumatized for life--never being able to watch boxing ever again. Alas, he was ok.

As E also mentioned, this took place in very Russian Brighton Beach. Salita Being Ukrainian and Jewish, there were tons of Russians and Jews (and Russian Jews, I'm sure) in the audience. They were all rabid fans--they have their own cheers and everything. I was shocked to see so many orthodox (and I'm talking ORTHODOX, not this modern orthodox or metrodox bullshit) Jews were there. I thought the orthodox were strictly opposed to violence. I guess I was wrong. Maybe that's just the Chasidim. Or maybe there's some technical reason that it's ok that Dimitriy boxes that makes it ok for other orthodox Jews to watch. I have no idea.

Anyhoo, I'm sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy. Will write more when I actually have something interesting to say.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Sincoff...

I've been too busy to post the last week, but had to take a second today to say Happy Birthday to my dearest husband! He is 34 VERY SEXY years old today.

I've been telling him that all week, but he didn't believe me until his 32 year old best friend's 23 year old babe of a girlfriend said, "Ethan, you're looking JACKED!" Now his already huge pumpkinhead is even more inflated. Thanks, Kate--you bought me at least a day or two of not having to listen to him groan about his weight or how old he is! Why he doesn't believe his own wife is beyond me, however.

Anyhoo, happiest of birthdays, toots! Many thanks to your parents for having sex 34 years and 7 mos. ago. Where would I be if they hadn't??? I'd probably still be a single gentile living in DC. Perish the thought...

Business Ethics and Other Oxymorons...

So I got the job at the new joint. They made me an offer yesterday and I handed in my letter of resignation. Not a huge salary jump to start, but it's a lateral move after all. Their yearly raises are roughly 1 1/2 to 2 times larger than my current company's and we get a year-end bonus, so I figured it's worthwhile. On top of that, my friend and everyone I talked to there assures me that they're quick to promote people from within and recognize and reward hard work--none of which my current company does.

I've sat here for two years watching my company hemorrhage good people to competing companies who pay more competitively. Those who remain do so with little hope of promotion or a significant pay raise. My boss actually tried to convince me when I met with her yesterday that there was room for advancement here. There are three people ahead of me for promotion here looking to fill one management position--and guess what?? The company is looking to the outside to fill that position, completely overlooking its hardworking employees who are more than qualified and who have been slugging away at their current positions for at least two years now (some have been with the company for as many as five).

Management cannot seem to put two and two together. I don't think they're stupid, I just think their hands are tied by the parent company, Thomson. Thomson seems to be very big on downsizing and promotion freezes. They certainly don't care about employee retention. It's a real shame.

Still, I'll miss a lot of great people I've gotten to know here. I'll have to try headhunting them as the opportunity arises like my friend did me. I have no compunctions about stealing good people from a company that doesn't appreciate them.

In other news: I've decided Jenna Bush is REALLY weird looking. She looks like the worst possible combo of her mother, her father and a hideous elf. I get the feeling that of the two siblings, she's the "W" and Barbara is the "Jeb." She seems to have that same mischievous/clueless appeal her father has. I haven't heard her speak yet, so I've no idea if she also has her father's oratorical eloquence as well.

OK, so the heading is "....Oxymorons." What's this about the Bush campaing returning to its 2000 era compassionate conservatism spiel?? What's so compassionate about the 2004 Republican platform? There's certainly no compassion for gays or young pregnant women in crisis or public schools or....Bah!

Dick Cheney's snarling face will be all over the tube tonight, but I don't think I'll watch it. I'm surprised that kid managed to get so close to him at the convention. I'd be afraid he'd bite my hand off. If he were a dog, he'd be muzzled. Kudos to the Veep, however, for finally coming out in support of his gay daughter, no matter how politically motivated it may be.

John Kerry isn't getting another red cent from me...

He's raised over $230 million so far--more than any other democrat ever. WHAT IS HE DOING WITH IT????

He has two months to bring out the big guns and spend the bulk of the cash his supporters worked so hard to raise for him and he'd better do it.

I'm an eternal optimist, so I still think he's just picking his moment very carefully. We shall see. The suspense is killing me.

I work hard (sometimes) for my money and I want to know it's being spent wisely and for its intended purpose--to defeat Bush.

I'm sure I don't need to point out...

That the content of the previous posting constitutes a


FLIP FLOP


on the part of the Bush administration--though apparently he denied that they had altered their view on this matter even though it's well documented that they have. Idiot.

Hell Freezes Over (While the Polar Ice Caps Melt)

In a new report to congress, Bush and his administration have finally admitted that carbon dioxide and other heat-trapping gases "are the only likely explanation for global warming over the last three decades."

In a separate statement Bush conceded that the earth was, indeed, spherical and that "maybe there's somethin' to this whole evolution monkey business after all."

In the News

The number of Americans living in poverty has increased by 1.3 million in the past year and the number of uninsured by 1.4 million. Chew on that for a while. Still turning that corner, I guess.

On a lighter note, the banana split turned 100 yrs. old yesterday! Happy Birthday to one of America's favorite desserts. I think the Bush administration should hand out free banana splits to the 36 million Americans living in poverty. It might make them feel better about being so poor. I know when I'm sad about something, a banana split sure turns my frown upside down.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

About 4 to 6 weeks ago I interviewed with a company similar to my current one. You can check out their website, though it's not even remotely interesting to anyone outside the medical education and pharmaceutical communities (www. cognimed.net).

I interviewed with two different people and it seemed to go really well--and I don't say that lightly. I'm very clueless when it comes to sensing whether others like me and even I could tell it went well. So I was surprised when I didn't here back and chalked it up to me wanting too much money. Lo and behold, last week I get a call out of the blue that they want me to return to interview with the company's president who happens to be a member of the tribe (though I didn't use that to my advantage:)). So I meet with him and one other individual this afternoon and it goes really well again--the president says "You'll definitely here from us within a week" and the other dude says he thinks I'd be a "good fit" and that the other people I'd met with had all good stuff to say about me.

So I'm thinking it's pretty much in the bag (knocking on wood as I type this) and now I just need to sit tight and wait for an offer. Hopefully it'll be significantly more than what I'm making now (I'd even settle for 5k more at this point).

Anyhoo, keep your fingers crossed for me. We can use a lucky break after the year we've had. And keep your fingers crossed for Ethan, too. Sitting around the house with only animals for company is making him a little kookoo for cocoa puffs. If we could ever use a dose of good karma, it's now.

In other news:

1. We've started going back to the gym after months of lethargy and girth expansion. I haven't walked without a limp in about a week. Still, it's a good hurt.

2. Is John Kerry TRYING to lose the election? He really needs to come out with a stronger rebuttal to the Swift Boat Veterans for Diabolical Deception than what he's put out so far. I appreciate that he's trying to stay positive and not sink to their level, but one can only turn the other cheek so many times, and that would be once. When you run out of cheeks, it's time for the gloves to come off and my money's on Kerry in a bare knuckle brawl against Georgie any day.

I'm counting on the K-Man to whoop the "Speaker of Very Short Sentences" (as Garrison Keillor referred to him) in the upcoming debates. So long as he doesn't show obvious signs of frustration and exasperation like Gore, I think it's a lock. A girl can dream....

Which is exactly what I'm off to do. It's late and I can't go kamikaze at the old job until the offer letter for the new one is signed (assuming it's coming, that is--don't want to jinx anything).

Night night. Sleep tight. Don't let the Republicans bite.

Little Things Make Me Happy

I finally got around to buying myself a radio to put in my cube so I can listen to Air America while I work. Now I can listen to Al Franken and my new Jewish boyfriend, Marc Maron, at work as well as at home and in the car. Good stuff.

Have you heard the laughably propagandistic commercials from the Saudi govt. re: the 9/11 commission? Pathetic. That's it. I have nothing insightful to say about it. The news is pretty thin today, sadly.

My Dogs Hate Me

For making them wear embarrassing shit like this. It wasn't enough that they had to endure going to the groomer's today, but we got home to find that my order from Glamour Dog had arrived.

What you can't see in the picture is that Lulu's hoodie sweatshirt has a flower and the phrase "Daddy's Girl" embroidered on it. Freddie has one in blue with a dog and the words "Mommy's Boy" on it. To my knowledge, he is still under the couch, humiliated, but hasn't actually tried to chew it off yet. Maybe if he comes out I can get a decent picture of him in it.

Lulu fantasizing about the night I sleep soundly enough that she can gnaw all the way through my jugular with her little chiclet teeth without waking me up.  

Sorry, Charley

As the two (?) of you who occasionally read this know, Ethan is in Florida looking after his father who just had surgery. He's slated to return home tomorrow afternoon. For two weeks I have been looking forward to tomorrow, so if Hurricane Charley thinks he's going to throw a monkey wrench in my plans (or an uprooted palm tree), he's got another think comin'.

Neither Hell nor hurricane hath wrath like a woman in the throes of PMS who hasn't been in close proximity to a man in a fortnight. I'm already mere millimeters from insanity at this point, Charley. Don't push me. You still have a chance to veer off at the last minute and go whirling out into the Atlantic. You might want to consider that if you know what's good for you.

Aside: You know someone's egotistical when they threaten the weather.

In Other News: A 480 lb. woman in Florida died as rescue workers tried to remove her from her couch to which she had grown fast after six years of not moving from it. See article here. Her skin had literally become one with the fabric of the couch. My question is, how long do you have to stay put before you start to grow fast? In six years of couch sitting, assuming she wasn't the full 480 pounds at the beginning, wouldn't you change position occasionally? Maybe get up to fluff the cushions? Or go to the bathroom for crying out loud? Why didn't the man living with her seek help? Did she ever ask for it? I feel so terrible for her.

Ethan, if I ever reach 480 lbs. and can no longer remove myself from the futon please, please, PLEASE promise me you'll get help. I can't imagine being so fat that I'm unable to even get up to get more food, though sometimes I feel like I'm well on my way. Imagine being such a couch potato that you actually put down roots!

That's it for now kids. Time to work.

That's more like it

Big ups to France for arresting the culprits so quickly. Way to put your argent where your bouche is, for a change. I retract my "France, schmance" comment for now. On peut lire l'article ici.

Like I said: France, Schmance

Jewish Graves Desecrated in France

LYON, France (AP) -- Vandals scrawled anti-Semitic graffiti on dozens of tombstones in Lyon overnight, authorities said Tuesday, the third time a Jewish cemetery has been desecrated this year.
Swastikas and inscriptions with Adolf Hitler's name were painted on headstones in de la Mouche cemetery in this southern French city, the same burial site that was desecrated by skinheads in 1992.
Richard Wertenschlag, Lyon's chief rabbi, told France Info radio that the vandalism was an affront to the Jewish community and to France's values.
"How is it that after the Holocaust, someone can still attack Jews -- even those who are dead -- for the simple reason that they are Jews?" he said.
The vandalized graves were at the back of the cemetery, a distance from the guardian's house, and among its oldest tombs. A monument to Jewish World War II soldiers was also covered with graffiti, the French Veterans Affairs Ministry said.
The crime drew the swift condemnation of the French government.
"The perpetrators of this outrage are being actively pursued," President Jacques Chirac said in a letter to Marcel Dreyfus, a local Jewish leader in Lyon. "They will be punished to the maximum extent the law allows."
In the Czech Republic, dozens of tombstones have been found toppled at a Jewish cemetery in the eastern of town Hranice, police said Tuesday.
Spokeswoman Michaela Sedlackova said that some 80 tombstones were overturned in the cemetery in the town 187 miles east of Prague. She said it was not clear when the incident happened. The cemetery dates to the 17th century. Sigmund Freud's brother, Julius, was buried there in 1858.
In France in May, swastikas and other anti-Semitic graffiti were scrawled on 127 headstones at a Jewish cemetery in the Alsatian town of Herrlisheim. And last month, vandals painted swastikas and Satanic symbols on 32 tombstones at a Jewish cemetery in Saverne, also in Alsace. Muslim and Christian cemeteries have also been vandalized.
Despite a series of government measures, anti-Semitic violence has increased in recent years in France, coinciding with rising tensions between Israelis and Palestinians. Authorities have blamed young French Muslims for some of the violence.
A recent report by the French Interior Ministry found 510 anti-Jewish acts or threats in the first six months of the year, compared with 593 for all of 2003.

Jewish students attacked at Auschwitz

The headline alone sent me into a rage-induced seizure before I even read the article.

Liberal as I am, I'm starting to think that Sharon's call to French Jews to emigrate to Israel was not so irrational after all. It's clear the French have a real problem with anti-semitism and that they're doing very little to control it.

And don't give me that "What do you expect with the Israeli occupation of Palestine" bullshit. America isn't so popular right now either, but you hear far fewer tales of American tourists being attacked in Europe--if any.

So now, a message to every Jew in France:

Get out while you can, bubbe. It's not safe there. Neither is Israel. Come to New York, we'll take care of you. One or two of you can even crash on our futon. France, SCHMANCE!!

Heaven Isn't too Far Away...

Never were Warrant lyrics so dead on. Heaven isn't too far away, it's in the snack machine in my very own office. I went there just now expecting to find the usual pedestrian snacks when mine eyes did fall upon the most beauteous sight they have ever beheld--Reese's Inside Out peanut butter cups. Peanut butter on the outside, chocolate within.

Now, regular Reese's peanut butter cups are still my number one chocolaty treat of choice, but as I tend to crave peanut butter when I'm "hormonal," I could not have stumbled upon a more perfect snack. God bless the good folks at Reese's and keep up the good work!

A Call to Minorities Thinking of Voting Republican...

This past Friday Bush came out against legacy admissions to colleges.

Take a second and read that one again.

This past Friday Bush came out against legacy admissions to colleges.

You wanna know why? Because our anti-affirmative action president thinks that legacy admissions limit university access to minorities!! And, unlike affirmative action, eliminating legacy admissions doesn't cost taxpayers one red cent.

Now, I'm all for eliminating legacy admissions, but in conjunction with affirmative action. If nothing else, eliminating legacy admissions means that knuckleheads like the POTUS will not be taking up valuable seats in our nation's finest halls of learning. If it weren't for legacy, he'd be lucky to have a degree from Midland Community College (if there is such an institution).

So I say unto my non-caucasian friends: George Bush does not give one rat's ass if you go to college, receive a quality education and make a better life for yourself and your family. The legacy bs is pure appeasement and sleight of hand. He wants you to think he supports greater access to universities for minorities, but he could not care less. This is one more example of his compassionless conservatism--he's just gotten better at packaging it. Don't be duped like the 50% of my fellow caucasians who still think he's the best man for the nation's highest office. I beg you.

No Comment Necessary

I heard about this yesterday and just had to share.

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," Bush said. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

full article: http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/military/20040805-1048-bushism.html

Nostalgia Creeping In

How old are we when we first think to ourselves that today's music just isn't quite as good as yesterday's? 26? 28? I'm 30 and I definitely feel that way. I haven't quite reached the point where I think today's music is entirely unlistenable--there's some really good stuff out there--but most of it just sounds like crap to me. Have my tastes become more refined or am I just out of touch (read: fucking old and lame)?

I'm only contemplating this less-than-original subject because I downloaded some Cure tonight from iTunes because most of my Cure is on dubbed cassettes that are a good 15 yrs. old. I have to say, though not my favorite of all the Cure songs (I'd be hard pressed to pick a favorite), Just Like Heaven is quite possibly the most perfect pop song ever written. Every time I hear it I have to fight the urge to pinwheel and I wish I was a 15 yr. old goofy goth girl again :). Good stuff.

In other news: (file under TMI) My ovarian cysts are flaring up again. The literature says they can swell up to the size of grapefruits, but I'd swear mine are more like cantaloupes. As such, I am VERY IRRITABLE AND GENERALLY NOT NICE TO BE AROUND RIGHT NOW.

I feel like Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory minus the blueish hue and incessant gum chewing. Where are the Oompa Loompas to roll me to the juicing room when I need them???? Lazy little fucks. They're like mini-Teamsters. Just 'cause they're union they think they can slack and get away with it. Oompa-Loompa-doompity-doo, I've got a pink slip to give to you.

The kittens are gone as of tomorrow. Woohoo! Taking bets right now on how long it will take me to find the last hidden pile of poop once they're gone. I don't know that I'll ever find all of them. I've been searching for the one by the computer for at least a week now with no luck and it still stinks. Perhaps the poop smell is just permanently ensconced in my nostrils and I just THINK there's kitten feces everywhere.

Whatever, that's our good samaritan deed for the foreseeable future. That karma should last us at least a few months. I would love to sit here and blog all night, but sitting on this uncomfortable wooden chair has completely paralyzed my ass.

Nighty night, sweet bitches! XOXOXO

Funniest thing EVER of all time

If you have not yet seen the video of Will Ferrell playing W trying to film a campaign commercial, go here and then come back and kiss my tootsies in thanks.

Will Ferrell is a comedy GOD.

John McCain: A Rare Breed

A respectable Republican!

McCain condemns anti-Kerry ads, calls on White House to follow suit

Enough Already

Day 5 without my loyal sidekick/husband by my side. Enough already, I say. Being apart this past week while Ethan's looking after his dad in FL has taught me some valuable lessons:

1. Sitting your fat ass in front of the TV for 6 hrs. a night isn't nearly as fun by yourself as it is with a partner. At least with a partner you feel like you're both sharing in something which lends the experience a bullshit air of participation and engagement.

2. Eight animals are FAR too many for one person to look after. If I'm not filling a food bowl, letting someone in or out, or chasing someone off the counter/kitchen table/coffee table, I'm finding piles of poop, pee, or puke all around the apartment (usually with my bare feet). I now have this new game where I try to guess what I've just stepped in by feel before I look down to confirm my guess. I've gotten really good at it. Add that to my ever growing list of useless talents.

3. The reason I don't usually step in this stuff is because Ethan's usually the one to clean it up. He's also the one who scoops the litter boxes and picks up the doggie doo on walks. I really need to be more appreciative of him and share the burden. I didn't realize how horrible it was. The last 5 days my life has pretty much been cleaning up poop--occasionally interrupted by brief spurts of work, sleep, and TV viewing.

I'm so bored and lazy in his absence I can't even finish this blog entry properly. Pardon if it just fizzles out right here at the end.

Well look at that!

Apparently, there IS a time frame now. Well I'll be....And this from British intelligence. Please remember that British intelligence ALSO thought that Saddam had WMD. You'd think by now that Blair and British intelligence agencies would want to sever themselves as cleanly as possible from this administration. Guess not.

In other news: At his appearance at the Rose Garden, Bush implied that Kerry and the Democrats want to "appease" the terrorists, which is an outright lie--undoubtedly told with that aggravating little sneer of his. He's also said that, knowing what he knows now, he STILL would have invaded Iraq because: a) Saddam had the capability of producing WMD (no he didn't), b) the WMD may still be found (no they won't), and c) Saddam had terrorist ties (not really--and certainly not to 9/11). See Salon's War Room for the exact quotes.

It would be one thing if Bush had negative ammo against Kerry that was credible (really credible, not credible like the intelligence that sent us to war in Iraq), but he DOESN'T!! The Republican convention hasn't even taken place, we're not even into the genuine presidential campaign season and he's already resorting to disinformation, innuendo and LIES. He's in deep doodoo. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Georgie.

Scare America

Looks like the Bushies and the Department of Homeland Paranoia have done it again. However, unlike the numerous, strategically timed terror warnings of the past, this one was much more specific and the implication was that they had definite information about Al-Qaeda "planning attacks" on financial institutions in New York and DC although there was no "time frame." The threat level was increased to Orange Plus (I've got my spine...I've got my Orange Plus, to paraphrase an old R.E.M. song).

Tom Ridge and his big, scary head came on TV to raise the spectre of the terrorist bogeyman once again. Security was increased outside the aforementioned targets including heavily armed police officers in body armor with bomb sniffing dogs to (purportedly) make us feel more secure. Yet again, we were told to "go about our daily lives" while "remainging vigilant."

Which makes the news that the information all this hubbub was based on is 3 to 4 yrs. old absolutely INFURIATING!! They failed to mention this completely during the original press conferences, but once the media got hold of their deception they quickly backpedaled by saying that the initial surveillance of the targets took place in 2000 or 2001, but that it had been "updated" January of this year. Still, there is no time frame for the impending attacks. What an ingenious way to keep us good and scared indefinitely (or at least until November 3rd).

I'm not 100% sure that this warning is politically motivated, but it is suspect at the very least. And I feel America is getting very tired of the government crying wolf. I'd rather we be overprotected than underprotected, but be honest with us. These targets could have been attacked any time within the past 3 years and they'd have been wholly unprotected. We're very fortunate that that wasn't the case, but now that we're making such a big stink about protecting them, wouldn't the terrorists find alternate targets if they're really planning an attack??

At the very least, "President" Bush is doing his best to implement the recommendations of the 9/11 Commission (the formation of which he vehemently opposed and in front of which he refused to officially testify, remember) in a speedy fashion. That's literally the least he could do. Good on ya, W. It's nice to know "America's safer.." in these "...dangerous times" with you at the helm.

Loki takes it up the bung from BonBon. Note the wholly disinterested expression on Loki's face. 

The new love of Freddie's life.  

When the Cat's Away...

You would not believe the crazy insane stuff I've gotten up to since Ethan's gone off to Florida. Friday night alone I did something I never would have been able to do if he'd been home: I watched the final installment of Lord of the Rings (SCANDALOUS!).

Yesterday I accompanied Dina to a chihuahua pool party where I was treated to a live gay chihuahua sex show (Dina's supposed to e-mail me the photographic evidence). Ok, so it was techinically a bi sex show, because the same two boys (Loki and BonBon), were tag teaming Dina's chihuahua Molly when they weren't banging each other. Who knew such little dogs could be so horny? Watching their tawdry carnal display made me miss Ethan all the more :).

The party took place in a chichi little dog store in the east village. I couldn't leave without something for the Sincoff pups, so I bought some brushes and a new squeaky monkey. Squeaky Monkey #1 was Fred's favorite toy of all time until his demise when Lulu's little chiclet teeth punctured his squeaker. Now that he's squeakless, they ignore him like he's really dead. When I saw Squeaky II at the store, I had to buy him. The kids flipped out when I took him out of the bag. They haven't stopped playing with him since. I think Freddie even slept with him.

I know I promised no more dog blogs for a while, but I couldn't help it.

In other animal news, the kittens are still here and more rambunctious than ever. While watching LOTR Friday night and eating Doritos, Fugly (the white/tabby) and Shaggy (the long hair) both launched themselves at my head simultaneously. Fug commenced biting my lip while Shaggy attacked my neck. I have no idea what that was about, but for one split second I thought it might be the end of me. I had visions of Ethan coming home to find my picked-clean skeleton on the futon with 2 fat, wild-eyed kittens curled up on my ribcage. I fear for my safety now that the two of them have tasted human flesh.

The third, non-man-meat-hungry kitten is the fastest thing I have ever seen. I think she's part cheetah. It took me a good 30 mins to catch her last night so I could put them all in their cage before going to bed.

I'm off to slack. I don't feel like accomplishing much today besides finishing my book and napping. It's raining, so it's the perfect sort of day for those activities.

Big up, JK!

What a damn fine speech. Clear, decisive, articulate...No one can question where Kerry stands on the issues now.  I was very impressed by his delivery. It seemed very warm and sincere. He truly looked confident when he made his way to the podium. I hope we'll be looking back on this speech on November 3rd (or whenever the votes are finally tallied) excited about what the next four years will hold rather than disappointed about what might have been. Or worse, scared to death of what lies ahead with Bush and his evil minions in the White House for another term.
 
If you watched the speech on CNN, afterward you were treated to the convention director's tantrum about the balloon debacle. I'm amazed it went on for so long and no one realized his voice was going out live on the air.  Though, considering how pathetic and biased CNN's reportage of the convention has been, I wouldn't be surprised if they let it go on on purpose. 
 
I lost a huge chunk of respect for CNN back at the start of the current intifada when it was clear they were taking a rather obvious, unobjective, anti-Israel stance on the issue. They've been better since then, but their coverage of this convention has been extremely disappointing. I've truly lost all respect for the US media over the past four years. Even the New York Times and Washington Post, who until recently were consider liberal, left-leaning papers, tend to pussyfoot around the current administration.  Whatever happened to journalistic integrity? Remember when reporters had (and I mean this in the figurative, non-gender specific sense) balls?? Woodward and Bernstein, anyone??? Those guys brought down a corrupt president, they didn't prop him up and pander to him.
 
My only other comment on last night's speech--John Edwards gives the cheesiest thumbs-up I have ever seen. Maybe it just looks odd on him because it's such an old-school gesture and he looks too young to be doing it. He looks young enough that he should be giving the rock n' roll devil horns sign instead, but of course the right would be all over that in a second, no doubt branding him a "devil worshipping baby killer." Folks like that make me wish the rapture would hurry up and get here.
 
I have been up since the very ass crack of dawn this morning as I had to drive my beloved husband to the airport and now it's finally time for me to get to work.  I'll check back in later if there's anything interesting in the news.

I Call it Yet Again!

From ABC News re: Kerry's speech tonight...
 
"Kerry will, per the campaign, communicate to the nation 'what's in his heart.' It will be 'very personal'; he will talk about personal experiences from his life, including Vietnam. He will talk about how those personal experiences have shaped the message of his campaign: 'Stronger at home, respected in the world.' There will be light moments, too."

"The speech will run 55 minutes. When pressed on whether this is a wise move, given Kerry's reputation for being a less-than-riveting speaker, Communications Director Stephanie Cutter bristled."

(Note Note: we have a hard time imagining Ms. Cutter bristling, but Dan is, as we suggested, a great reporter.)

"'He is a riveting speaker,' she said. Furthermore, she argued, it's a 'really good speech' and one that he wrote (longhand, on yellow legal pads) — so he will 'knock it out of the park.'"
 
I so totally rock....

Did I call it, or what?

Excerpts from John Edwards' speech last night (and Elizabeth's):
 
"When you wake up and you're sitting at the kitchen table with your kids and you're talking about the great possibilities in America, your kids should know that John and I believe to our core that tomorrow can be better than today," Edwards said. "We choose hope over despair, possibilities over problems, optimism over cynicism."
 
2 outta 3 ain't bad....
 
Okay, so he said "boat" and not "swift boat"...
 
"They saw up close what he's made of. They saw him reach into the river and pull one of his men to safety and save his life. They saw him in the heat of battle make a decision in a split second to turn his boat around, drive it through an enemy position and chase down the enemy to save his crew," Edwards said.
 
The candidate's wife, Elizabeth Edwards, earlier said her husband would fight "to make the opportunities of America available to all Americans."

I need to get myself a job writing political speeches.  I think I just found my calling.

Those little furry fuckers are too damn smart for their own good

Talking about the dogs again. I promise this will be the last dog blog entry for at least a week...
 
So it's 11ish and Ethan and I just got back from drinks and lovely conversation at Marco & Pepe across the street. It's time to walk the dogs and they know it. I pick Lulu up to see if I can weasel a kiss. She not only refuses, she cranes her head back away from my face as far as possible. So I say to her, "If you don't give me a kiss, you're not going for a walk!" She immediately licks my nose.
 
Ethan comes out and I tell her to give him a kiss. No dice. She patently refuses once again. So I say, "If you don't give Daddy a kiss, you're not going for a walk!" Bingo. One perfunctory kiss.
 
Then we get outside and it's drizzling. Fred HATES water of any sort. He immediately begins tugging on his leash toward the direction of the apartment and refuses to move forward. I tell him, "OK, Fred. We won't go to the park, we'll just take a quick walk around the block and then go back inside." As soon as I finish my sentence he shifts gears and starts trotting down the block. Normally, in clement weather, he would stop to sniff every single bush, gate, sign post, garbage bag...and pee on about 2/3 or them. Not tonight. He was a dog on the move, the little bastard.
 
In Other News:  Ethan and I are very much looking forward to John Kerry's acceptance speech tomorrow night. Ethan thinks it'll be as dull and lackluster as any he's given so far. I think he's gonna come out guns blazing and be the personification of Personality and Charisma. I've been saying for months now, "He's saving it up for the convention!" He'd better not let me down. We already have an agreement that if I'm right, I'll turn to Ethan at the conclusion of the speech and make the international gesture for "knocking one out of the park" where you mime swinging a bat and make that little clicking noise--you know what I mean.
 
We missed John Edwards' speech because we were busy imbibing, but I already know exactly what he said--tell me if I'm wrong. I bet it went something like, "Blah blah blah, we're the party of optimism/hope/opportunity/the people. I came from humble beginnings, but look at me now. Every American deserves that opportunity, blah blah blah, Bushes tax cuts, yip, yip, yip,  John Kerry.....swift boats.....real leadership....honesty, yada yada."
 
I'll read about it tomorrow and find out how close I was.
 
That's it for today...I'm off to watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force. No. 1 in the hood, G.
 
V

Another cute sleeping pic. All the kittens curled up on the back of the couch napping.  

Laziness never looked so cute! 

My Dog is a Manipulative Bitch

And I mean bitch in both senses of the word.  Lulu can run around outside in pouring down rain and not mind being wet one bit. As soon as I give her a bath, she shivers like she's having an epileptic fit until I feel so guilty that I have to wrap her up in a blanket and hold her on my lap until she's warm and dry. And while she's lying there, she's looking at me with such a hurt, traumatized expression on her face that you'd think I'd tied her down and forced her to watch me eat her puppies.
 
I finally wised up to her trickery tonight. I'd like to see her try it again next time. She's gonna be one miserable, shiverin' bitch.
 
Ethan's sleeping sitting up on the couch. I have no idea how he does that. I'm going to wake him up in a few minutes so we can watch the convention together. Fred's curled up in his lap sleeping as well. It's both a charming tableau of the love between man and dog AND a testament to just how fucking lazy men are.  I think I have to snap a picture....Back in a sec.

Convention Tension

Things are heating up heading up to the Democratic Convention. Security is tighter than John Aschcroft's virgin, pentecostal bung hole and a whopping THREE THOUSAND protesters are getting ready to rabblerouse. I had to re-read that.  I thought for sure I'd missed a few zeroes. Nope. Three measly thousand. That's it.
 
I think it's very telling that there are only an estimated 3,000 protesters in Boston, but NYPD expects closer to five HUNDRED thousand in New York next month for the Republican Convention.
 
I read the Executive Summary of the 9/11 Commission Report over lunch today.  Much like Fahrenheit 9/11, I was already familiar with a majority of the facts and events included, but seeing them all laid out in chronological order was a bit overwhelming. America really had its collective head up its collective ass on this one.  Let's hope the recommendations set forth by the commission are "implicated," as our beloved POTUS would say.
 
The buzz around the Democratic Convention today is just how much Bush bashing will be allowed.  I hope not too much. Enough to remind the people what a threat to our nation he is, but I think the focus should be on acquainting Americans with John Kerry and his platform. I get the distinct impression that the majority of folks in that barren waste land between the coasts know nothing about the man apart from what they hear on Fox News.  Ask your average midwesterner who John Kerry is and I bet they answer, "You mean that liberal senator from Taxachusetts who looks French?" I think Kerry should come out Thursday night wearing a beret and neck scarf, smoking a Gauloise just to show that he really does have a sense of humor, no matter what the right wing gumflappers or his own wife say.
 
Embarrassing Confession of the Day:
I'm looking forward to Bill Clinton's speech tonight. Despite his philandering and myriad other faults, I have a HUGE crush on him and always have. And now that he's mean and lean thanks to the South Beach Diet, he's, like, TEN times sexier than he was while in office.
 
Back to work. They ain't payin' me to pontificate, after all.

Cute dog? Or mailman devouring beast?? 

I'm moving to Canada

I've never been to Canada, but I've always pictured it as being this sort of calm, uneventful utopia. Everything's clean, everyone's nice and nothing bad ever happens there.  People need to invent things to get upset about just to alleviate the ennui of living in such a problem-free society.
 
I now have proof. Unlike our own nation, where there are always a handful of truly controversial things to protest, Canada sometimes has to dig a little.  Apparently Canadian postal workers have convinced a dog treat manufacturer to stop making mailman-shaped dog treats. Click here for the full story. Their defense? They didn't find it funny. This is how Canada rages against the machine, people. Perhaps if they could prove a direct correlation between dogs eating the mailman-shaped snacks and increased attacks on postal carriers I could support their cause.
 
One of Fred & Lulu's favorite dog treats (I forget the name right now) comes in three shapes: beefy fire hydrants, cheesy bones, and "bacony mailmen." If I ever formed a band, it would be called "Bacony Mailmen." If anyone out there is looking for a band name, feel free to steal it.

We don't totally suck!

About 15 people showed up for the Kerry/Edwards fundraising cookout we sponsored today. Less than half the number of people who R.S.V.P.'ed, but we still made our fundraising goal of $500 for the party. Well, it was $450, but we still have to kick in as well as one or two of our friends.
 
I completely forgot to take pics because I'm totally lame. We met a handful of cool new people from the neighborhood and had some interesting discussions both political and non-political in nature. Fred and Lulu (our two Shih Tzu--yes, that's the singular and plural form, and no I'm not being pretentious) were a huge hit. They shamelessy begged food off everyone there and Lulu invited herself into several people's laps and passed out free kisses. She's a party whore.
 
I'm exhausted. This cookout has been my life for the last few days--planning, cooking, etc. I promise I'll have something interesting to say tomorrow. My copy of "Outfoxed" came in the mail today. Hopefully we'll get a chance to watch it at John and Dina's tonight. I will post my official review once I've seen it.

Special thanks to my darling husband Ethan for all his hard work today. We make a formidable team when we can manage to overcome our slackish natures and tendency toward apathy. Thanks as well to Stuart and Sara for the table and chairs and to John and Dina for the cooler and other goodies.

I smell a hint o' poop. I think one of the kittens we're fostering may have dropped a teeny kitten-sized deuce somewhere near the computer. I'm far too tired to hunt for it now. I'll deal with it later when it's dried up and not nearly so offensive.

And with that appetizing thought, I'll sign off for now and go put my feet up. I earned it, dammit!

 
TTFN

Why do I do these things to myself?

So it's 12:37 pm, T-2 hours, 23 mins and counting until a mass of Democrats come flooding into the apartment for food and Democratic comradery.  I'm already exhausted. I was up cooking, cleaning and blogging until about 1:30 last night and was up again at 8:45 th is morning banging away. I've gone pretty much non-stop for the last 3 1/2 hours and there's still tons of stuff to do.

On top of that, it's raining on and off. I hope it either a) stops completely or b) only half the 40 ppl who said they were coming actually show up. Otherwise we're fuck-diddly-ucked.

Still, it should be fun and a cool chance to meet some new people in the neighborhood.

Back to work, people. I'll post pics from the shindig later today or tomorrow.

Sexiness, thy name is pine cone.  

There really is a fetish for everything...

Some of the more interesting fetish clubs I found on Yahoo! Groups:

1.  Sporks (I shit you not, a club for people turned on by sporks. This one might be a joke, but the others aren't).

2.  Soccer shoes.

3.  Soft and hard neck braces (this one might be my favorite).

4.  Gay guys farting. (Nope, this one's my favorite--they advertise videos of gay men passing gas. Another niche market cornered!)

5.  Helmets. (This one I kinda get. Helmets are sexy. Viking and Roman Centurion helmets especially).

Unfortunately, a search for "fetish, pine cone" turned up nada. However, a search for "pine cone" did turn up a club called (once again, I do not shit you...) "pine-ing4u"; a club for pine cone craft enthusiasts. And that's the next best thing to a pine cone fetish club, if you ask me.

So unoriginal...

I was so inspired/impressed by my hubby's blog that I had to jump on the bandwagon. We'll see if this new hobby outlasts any of the previous ones (maximum duration 4 weeks). Start the clock, kids!

I haven't even figured out what this blog's "hook" will be, but am kicking around some ideas. Ok, one idea so far. I had this idea on the way to the grocery store (all my epiphanies come either in the car or on the hopper. sidenote: I've decided to refer to the toilet solely as the "hopper" from now on since I've learned that Dennis Hopper--formerly my favorite actor of all time--is a flaming Republican). But I digress--the idea:  Post extremely strange or inflammatory personal ads on various websites and publish on this blog not only the ad, but the responses to it. An example would be: "30 yr. old female looking for moderately attractive doctor or lawyer to make her a kept woman. Will cook your meals, raise your brats and occasionally suck your d*ck. Whites only." 

Or, "I want to touch people, and I want people to touch me...with pinecones. Serious inquiries only. " This one was inspired by a charmingly sweet personal ad I once saw by a gentleman with a balloon fetish. People get off on weird shit, yo.

Like I said, I'm just tossin' some ideas around. Feel free to make suggestions...

News of the Day:  It has never been muggier in the history of the world than it is right now. I should be cleaning the house and making more rice krispie treats for our cookout to benefit Kerry/Edwards tomorrow, but I've opted to sit in front of the computer instead. It's a lot cooler when you only have to move your fingers.

Speaking of the cookout, it's supposed to rain tomorrow as well. I hope to God not. I have 12 lbs. of burger and 50 hot dogs in my fridge and I'm fittin' to grill 'em, by gosh.

Strange thought of the Day: It's been a long time since we've heard a catchy pop tune about child abuse. It was all the rage at the end of the 80s. Remember "Luka?" Or "What's the Matter Here?" I'll tell ya what the matter is; the kid's gettin' the crap beat outta him. Put down your guitar and pick up the phone and call Child Protective Services, you pretentious c*nt.