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Last night while stopped at a traffic light, we were treated to the most amazing view of the (almost) full moon shining through the leafless forest in front of us. It was so beautiful, misty and eerie that it took my breath away (once I mentally blocked out the power lines in front of the scene). It rivaled any horror movie poster or book or album cover I had ever seen. It was absolute perfection.
I live for those little doses of real-life perfection. They're always so jarring, and remind me that the world really is a magical place--like finding that one apple in the bin that's so perfectly round and unblemished that you actually feel guilty biting into it later. Or the impossibly red berries that used to grow on the tree in front of our apartment in Madison. Fluorescent doesn't do them justice, they were practically radioactive. Or, years ago, the Indian boy I passed on the street in DC who was so eye-gougingly gorgeous I had a hard time convincing myself he wasn't Krishna incarnate.
These eyegasms as I like to call them are few and far between in winter, so last night's was particularly welcome and much needed. A girl can only take so much grey before her peepers start to atrophy. I can only hope the spring brings eyegasms in abundance.
I have had very little of interest to say of late. I consider this a good thing. It means I'm too busily immersed in my everyday pursuits to ruminate and pontificate. Still, I do love this little blog of mine and can't help but feel like a deadbeat mom when I neglect it for any amount of time.
I have decided a few things since my last post. The first being that 2011 is going to be my "happy year." After 6 years of trying to build/raise a family, losing a parent, and lovingly supporting a husband who is showing all the classic signs of a midlife crisis, I'm going to...(gasp)...focus on myself for a year. Actually take some time to think about who I am and what makes me happy. Carve out time for my hobbies, try to find a job that means something to me, and set aside time for contemplation and introspection. I deserve it, dammit. And I desperately need it.
Secondly, I'll be using this blog as a dream journal as well as a place for my insipid ramblings. Feel free to skip the dream posts if it's not your cuppa. It's just a tool for me to remember the contents of my wacky dreams until my next therapy appointment. That said, I won't necessarily blog them all. A) That would be a giant bore, and B) Some may involve others who may not wish to have my subconscious impressions of them made public. I'll stick to posting the interesting/funny/odd ones, or the ones that I find especially revealing/analytical/therapeutic.
Case in point: Last night's dream. The bathroom sink was clogged. REALLY clogged. I poured a mixture of vinegar and baking soda down the drain to clear it all out. Within seconds the drain began to expel softball-sized, wet, slimy clumps of my hair. I pulled them out and threw them in the trash. They just kept coming. At one point, I was pulling out this thick rope of goopy hair clog like hankies from a magician's sleeve, hand over hand. I was amazed and gobsmacked. After I pulled the last of the hair out, other objects followed (I don't recall any except a wash cloth). Eventually the last item was removed and the drain was clear. I ran some water and it made a super-satisfying gurgle as it whooshed down the drain. I felt very relieved and at peace.
This dream could mean anything. The kitchen sink was clogged the other day and Tobin was playing in the bathroom sink yesterday. I'm worried about my thinning hair, etc. What it felt like it was saying to me is that I've reached the light at the end of the (disgusting, clogged) tunnel. I've done the work. I've tugged the last of the glop from my psychological drain and everything is in working order again. It feels good. Really good. So good I'm down to 2.5mg of Lexapro a day (was taking 20mg just a few months ago) and on track to wean off in another 3 weeks.
So the pipes are clear. Time to channel something meaningful and positive through them. Thus my 2011 proclamation. Wish me luck, happiness and fulfillment--I'll wish the same for you.
As many of you know, I have a great affinity for all things zombie-related: books, movies, and now the fantastic AMC series The Walking Dead, based on the graphic novels of the same name. It should come as no surprise to me that this obsession has now wormed its maggot-ridden way into my dream life.
Saturday night I dreamt that the zombie apocalypse occurred. The government somehow managed to neutralize the threat by eliminating the zombies' cravings for human flesh. Not clear how this was done--top secret and whatnot. I assumed some chemical agent was released into the atmosphere to do this, as putting down each individual zombie was too gargantuan a task. The result was that we were left with millions of non-threatening zombies roaming around aimlessly, with nothing to do. I turned on the news for the latest update on the situation, and Arizona governor Jan Brewer was holding a press conference to suggest that we deport them. To where, I have no idea. Then I woke up.
I was left with so many questions after this dream:
1. The zombie apocalypse happened and I didn't get to bludgeon even ONE of the motherfuckers? How lame is that? This is my dream life we're talking about--I should be a zombie-eradicating army of one!
2. How did the government have that zombie-neutralizing agent ready to go so fast? What do they know that we don't?
3. Is it legal to deport zombies who are former American citizens? Does citizenship expire at death?
4. I wonder how many jobs could be created to deal with the problem? It could single-handedly revive our failing economy. I'm envisioning a nation-wide network of zombie no-kill shelters where they could live out their days shuffling around in peace until they completely decayed. You know, like a nursing home.
I will continue to ruminate on this dream until the next. Until then, keep your blades and brains sharp. They're your two best weapons.
Despite renting, we're in charge of the lawn maintenance chez Sincoff, so we went to Lowe's today to get some supplies. The "carriage house" in the backyard came equipped with an electric lawnmower, so we needed to get an outdoor extension cord, hedge trimmers, etc.
Kayly will be sad to hear that I decided against ordering the Nut Wizard and opted for a Shop Vac to deal with our acorn problem. I did inquire at Lowe's whether or not they sold the Nut Wizard, however. They had never heard of it and looked at me as though they weren't sure if I was taking the piss or not. I figure the Shop Vac is multi-purpose whereas the Nut Wizard is not.
When Tobin saw the row of riding mowers he went BERSERK. He houdinied himself out of the cart and barely paused to let me put his shoes on before he ran straight for them. I'm not sure if it's just a boy thing or his gentile/country half burbling to the surface, but he went straight for the John Deere. I thought the Husqvarna was way sexier, but what do I know? Now I know where to take him on rainy days.
It's in his genes!!
I took the mower out to the front yard to give it a whirl. It worked just fine for the first 2/3 of the lawn, then promptly stopped working after Ethan took over from me. I'm not saying he did anything wrong--that's just when it happened to crap out. We checked the connection, unplugged it and cleared out the clumpy grass and tried again. The motor runs, but it doesn't cut. I didn't have enough guts to turn it over and see if the blades were spinning. Luckily, I found the user manual online, so I'll consult it to see if there's anything we can do other than just saying "fuggit" and buying a new one.
I did trim the hedges in the front yard and didn't do too bad a job, if I do say so myself. They look very neatly shaped. From a distance. I did not get around to cleaning the gutters, but will do that tomorrow. If I'm feeling really adventurous, I might even take the Shop Vac for a spin and suck some nuts!
Anyone who knows our shih tzu children knows that Lulu is the tough one, but occasionally Fred likes to prove that he's still a man. While taking the little terrors out to pee, we stumbled upon a literal "dumping" ground for the local deer in the corner of our backyard. Piles and piles of deer poop. Freddie immediately began rearing his head and scratching at the dirt.
"The Deerslayer"
He put on a similar display of aggression at the Jersey City Farmer's Market several years back when he encountered some long-necked gourds lined up on the ground. I can only assume he didn't like the way they were looking at him. And once, at a farm in New Hampshire, he even threw down upon coming face to face with a large horse.
My favorite memory of my fancy, prancy boy acting tough also occurred in Jersey City. We were mid-walk when it started to rain hard and fast. He was so incensed that he stopped dead in his tracks and began barking at the sky. Deer, horses, shifty-looking produce, and even G-d are no match for Freddie R. Sincoff. Except for blowing leaves. They scare the bejesus out of him.
After my previous post where I discussed the psychological effects of being let go from my previous company, this came as very welcome news.
I didn't hear about all the nasty/juicy stuff that went on there until after I left. And I won't speak to anything that remains office gossip and unsubstantiated rumor (and there's a lot of it!), but this is a matter of public record now, and it kinda made my day. Call me a schadenfreude junkie, but I love it when folks who think they doodoo don't stank get their comeuppance!! Here's the link to the original article posted below.
Updated: Sat., Sep. 4, 2010, 2:51 AM
Exec's 'free' acce$$
By DAREH GREGORIAN
Last Updated: 2:51 AM, September 4, 2010
Posted: 2:51 AM, September 4, 2010
The multimillionaire former CEO of a health-care consulting firm prescribed himself millions in personal expenses from the company -- making it pay for private jets, his boats, family vacations and even downloads from iTunes, court papers charge.
In a lawsuit filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, Access Communications LLC says Michael Mitrow Jr. raked in $24.7 million in 2007 alone, but that didn't stop him from charging the company he founded for expenses big and small, and "on an extraordinary scale."
"During just the period between May 2007 through June 2009 when Mitrow was forced to resign from Access, he incurred over $1.2 million in personal expenses on his [corporate] American Express card for which there was no legitimate business justification," the suit says.
That included "exorbitant dining expenses," such as a $5,918.38 family Christmas Eve dinner at Zach's Cabin in Beaver Creek, Colo. -- 60 percent tip included. There also were two separate $18,000 family vacations at Westin hotels, charges relating to Mitrow's boats, and $3,971 in furnishings for his condo in Vail.
Mitrow also had a taste for fine luggage -- he spent $4,419 of the company's cash on Luis Vuitton goods at Neiman Marcus, and thousands more on "Prada merchandise," the suit says.
The exec also used company cash for smaller items -- charging Access for Sirius Radio, goods at grocery and liquor stores, and even his video game and iTunes purchases, the suit says.
He also was quite generous with the company's money, and opened sub-credit card accounts for three workers on his boats.
All of the charges, including his repeated use of personal jets, were covered up as legit business expenses, the suit said.
Mitrow's lawyer, Peter Ginsberg, said they'd be challenging Access' claims in court.
Mitrow, he said, "followed the policies and procedures of the company, and his expenses were reviewed and approved by Access officials who remain at the company."
dareh.gregorian@nypost.com
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Copyright 2010 NYP Holdings, Inc. All rights reserved.
This move ate up the bulk of our savings. I'm sure we can recover with creative budgeting, but I'm really starting to think about going back to work. I was thinking about this just now, and was seized by a simultaneous epiphany/panic attack.
I realized that I'm actually terrified to go back to work after 2 years as a stay at home mom. I've been out of the loop a long time. I'm scared that I won't reassimilate well. I'm scared that the search will take a long time, and that I'll settle for less than I'm worth given the current economy. I loathe the interview process--the feeling of being evaluated and the potential for rejection. Also, I've been my own boss for over 2 years now, and am worried that I'll resent having to report to someone else.
Being let go from my previous position was a huge blow to my self-worth as well. I've never received anything other than a positive performance review, including my previous position. I received a positive review, merit-based raise, and merit-based bonus a mere 2 weeks prior to getting shitcanned w/ no real explanation why I was being terminated. I don't know that I have the emotional strength to deal with all of the above right now. I'm finally starting to feel normal again after 6 years of pregnancy losses and my dad's passing.
At some point, I need to move my bowels and vacate the commode, but the seat's all nice and warm now, and my legs have long since fallen asleep. I'm worried I'll faceplant on the cold, hard, unforgiving tile.
Life would certainly be easier with the additional income, and I have no worries about Tobin adjusting to daycare. That kid is as go-with-the-flow as any person I've ever met. My terror is the only thing stopping me right now. It's time to shoot out some resumes and start searching monster.com on a daily basis.
My one logistical problem is finding someone to watch Toby while I interview, but let's not put the cart before the horse. I'll worry about that when I actually have interviews on the books.
If any readers out there have any advice re: returning to the work force after a considerable hiatus, I would appreciate hearing it. Words of encouragement and job referrals are welcome, too.
