Big up, JK!

What a damn fine speech. Clear, decisive, articulate...No one can question where Kerry stands on the issues now.  I was very impressed by his delivery. It seemed very warm and sincere. He truly looked confident when he made his way to the podium. I hope we'll be looking back on this speech on November 3rd (or whenever the votes are finally tallied) excited about what the next four years will hold rather than disappointed about what might have been. Or worse, scared to death of what lies ahead with Bush and his evil minions in the White House for another term.
 
If you watched the speech on CNN, afterward you were treated to the convention director's tantrum about the balloon debacle. I'm amazed it went on for so long and no one realized his voice was going out live on the air.  Though, considering how pathetic and biased CNN's reportage of the convention has been, I wouldn't be surprised if they let it go on on purpose. 
 
I lost a huge chunk of respect for CNN back at the start of the current intifada when it was clear they were taking a rather obvious, unobjective, anti-Israel stance on the issue. They've been better since then, but their coverage of this convention has been extremely disappointing. I've truly lost all respect for the US media over the past four years. Even the New York Times and Washington Post, who until recently were consider liberal, left-leaning papers, tend to pussyfoot around the current administration.  Whatever happened to journalistic integrity? Remember when reporters had (and I mean this in the figurative, non-gender specific sense) balls?? Woodward and Bernstein, anyone??? Those guys brought down a corrupt president, they didn't prop him up and pander to him.
 
My only other comment on last night's speech--John Edwards gives the cheesiest thumbs-up I have ever seen. Maybe it just looks odd on him because it's such an old-school gesture and he looks too young to be doing it. He looks young enough that he should be giving the rock n' roll devil horns sign instead, but of course the right would be all over that in a second, no doubt branding him a "devil worshipping baby killer." Folks like that make me wish the rapture would hurry up and get here.
 
I have been up since the very ass crack of dawn this morning as I had to drive my beloved husband to the airport and now it's finally time for me to get to work.  I'll check back in later if there's anything interesting in the news.

I Call it Yet Again!

From ABC News re: Kerry's speech tonight...
 
"Kerry will, per the campaign, communicate to the nation 'what's in his heart.' It will be 'very personal'; he will talk about personal experiences from his life, including Vietnam. He will talk about how those personal experiences have shaped the message of his campaign: 'Stronger at home, respected in the world.' There will be light moments, too."

"The speech will run 55 minutes. When pressed on whether this is a wise move, given Kerry's reputation for being a less-than-riveting speaker, Communications Director Stephanie Cutter bristled."

(Note Note: we have a hard time imagining Ms. Cutter bristling, but Dan is, as we suggested, a great reporter.)

"'He is a riveting speaker,' she said. Furthermore, she argued, it's a 'really good speech' and one that he wrote (longhand, on yellow legal pads) — so he will 'knock it out of the park.'"
 
I so totally rock....

Did I call it, or what?

Excerpts from John Edwards' speech last night (and Elizabeth's):
 
"When you wake up and you're sitting at the kitchen table with your kids and you're talking about the great possibilities in America, your kids should know that John and I believe to our core that tomorrow can be better than today," Edwards said. "We choose hope over despair, possibilities over problems, optimism over cynicism."
 
2 outta 3 ain't bad....
 
Okay, so he said "boat" and not "swift boat"...
 
"They saw up close what he's made of. They saw him reach into the river and pull one of his men to safety and save his life. They saw him in the heat of battle make a decision in a split second to turn his boat around, drive it through an enemy position and chase down the enemy to save his crew," Edwards said.
 
The candidate's wife, Elizabeth Edwards, earlier said her husband would fight "to make the opportunities of America available to all Americans."

I need to get myself a job writing political speeches.  I think I just found my calling.

Those little furry fuckers are too damn smart for their own good

Talking about the dogs again. I promise this will be the last dog blog entry for at least a week...
 
So it's 11ish and Ethan and I just got back from drinks and lovely conversation at Marco & Pepe across the street. It's time to walk the dogs and they know it. I pick Lulu up to see if I can weasel a kiss. She not only refuses, she cranes her head back away from my face as far as possible. So I say to her, "If you don't give me a kiss, you're not going for a walk!" She immediately licks my nose.
 
Ethan comes out and I tell her to give him a kiss. No dice. She patently refuses once again. So I say, "If you don't give Daddy a kiss, you're not going for a walk!" Bingo. One perfunctory kiss.
 
Then we get outside and it's drizzling. Fred HATES water of any sort. He immediately begins tugging on his leash toward the direction of the apartment and refuses to move forward. I tell him, "OK, Fred. We won't go to the park, we'll just take a quick walk around the block and then go back inside." As soon as I finish my sentence he shifts gears and starts trotting down the block. Normally, in clement weather, he would stop to sniff every single bush, gate, sign post, garbage bag...and pee on about 2/3 or them. Not tonight. He was a dog on the move, the little bastard.
 
In Other News:  Ethan and I are very much looking forward to John Kerry's acceptance speech tomorrow night. Ethan thinks it'll be as dull and lackluster as any he's given so far. I think he's gonna come out guns blazing and be the personification of Personality and Charisma. I've been saying for months now, "He's saving it up for the convention!" He'd better not let me down. We already have an agreement that if I'm right, I'll turn to Ethan at the conclusion of the speech and make the international gesture for "knocking one out of the park" where you mime swinging a bat and make that little clicking noise--you know what I mean.
 
We missed John Edwards' speech because we were busy imbibing, but I already know exactly what he said--tell me if I'm wrong. I bet it went something like, "Blah blah blah, we're the party of optimism/hope/opportunity/the people. I came from humble beginnings, but look at me now. Every American deserves that opportunity, blah blah blah, Bushes tax cuts, yip, yip, yip,  John Kerry.....swift boats.....real leadership....honesty, yada yada."
 
I'll read about it tomorrow and find out how close I was.
 
That's it for today...I'm off to watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force. No. 1 in the hood, G.
 
V

Another cute sleeping pic. All the kittens curled up on the back of the couch napping.  

Laziness never looked so cute! 

My Dog is a Manipulative Bitch

And I mean bitch in both senses of the word.  Lulu can run around outside in pouring down rain and not mind being wet one bit. As soon as I give her a bath, she shivers like she's having an epileptic fit until I feel so guilty that I have to wrap her up in a blanket and hold her on my lap until she's warm and dry. And while she's lying there, she's looking at me with such a hurt, traumatized expression on her face that you'd think I'd tied her down and forced her to watch me eat her puppies.
 
I finally wised up to her trickery tonight. I'd like to see her try it again next time. She's gonna be one miserable, shiverin' bitch.
 
Ethan's sleeping sitting up on the couch. I have no idea how he does that. I'm going to wake him up in a few minutes so we can watch the convention together. Fred's curled up in his lap sleeping as well. It's both a charming tableau of the love between man and dog AND a testament to just how fucking lazy men are.  I think I have to snap a picture....Back in a sec.

Convention Tension

Things are heating up heading up to the Democratic Convention. Security is tighter than John Aschcroft's virgin, pentecostal bung hole and a whopping THREE THOUSAND protesters are getting ready to rabblerouse. I had to re-read that.  I thought for sure I'd missed a few zeroes. Nope. Three measly thousand. That's it.
 
I think it's very telling that there are only an estimated 3,000 protesters in Boston, but NYPD expects closer to five HUNDRED thousand in New York next month for the Republican Convention.
 
I read the Executive Summary of the 9/11 Commission Report over lunch today.  Much like Fahrenheit 9/11, I was already familiar with a majority of the facts and events included, but seeing them all laid out in chronological order was a bit overwhelming. America really had its collective head up its collective ass on this one.  Let's hope the recommendations set forth by the commission are "implicated," as our beloved POTUS would say.
 
The buzz around the Democratic Convention today is just how much Bush bashing will be allowed.  I hope not too much. Enough to remind the people what a threat to our nation he is, but I think the focus should be on acquainting Americans with John Kerry and his platform. I get the distinct impression that the majority of folks in that barren waste land between the coasts know nothing about the man apart from what they hear on Fox News.  Ask your average midwesterner who John Kerry is and I bet they answer, "You mean that liberal senator from Taxachusetts who looks French?" I think Kerry should come out Thursday night wearing a beret and neck scarf, smoking a Gauloise just to show that he really does have a sense of humor, no matter what the right wing gumflappers or his own wife say.
 
Embarrassing Confession of the Day:
I'm looking forward to Bill Clinton's speech tonight. Despite his philandering and myriad other faults, I have a HUGE crush on him and always have. And now that he's mean and lean thanks to the South Beach Diet, he's, like, TEN times sexier than he was while in office.
 
Back to work. They ain't payin' me to pontificate, after all.

Cute dog? Or mailman devouring beast?? 

I'm moving to Canada

I've never been to Canada, but I've always pictured it as being this sort of calm, uneventful utopia. Everything's clean, everyone's nice and nothing bad ever happens there.  People need to invent things to get upset about just to alleviate the ennui of living in such a problem-free society.
 
I now have proof. Unlike our own nation, where there are always a handful of truly controversial things to protest, Canada sometimes has to dig a little.  Apparently Canadian postal workers have convinced a dog treat manufacturer to stop making mailman-shaped dog treats. Click here for the full story. Their defense? They didn't find it funny. This is how Canada rages against the machine, people. Perhaps if they could prove a direct correlation between dogs eating the mailman-shaped snacks and increased attacks on postal carriers I could support their cause.
 
One of Fred & Lulu's favorite dog treats (I forget the name right now) comes in three shapes: beefy fire hydrants, cheesy bones, and "bacony mailmen." If I ever formed a band, it would be called "Bacony Mailmen." If anyone out there is looking for a band name, feel free to steal it.

We don't totally suck!

About 15 people showed up for the Kerry/Edwards fundraising cookout we sponsored today. Less than half the number of people who R.S.V.P.'ed, but we still made our fundraising goal of $500 for the party. Well, it was $450, but we still have to kick in as well as one or two of our friends.
 
I completely forgot to take pics because I'm totally lame. We met a handful of cool new people from the neighborhood and had some interesting discussions both political and non-political in nature. Fred and Lulu (our two Shih Tzu--yes, that's the singular and plural form, and no I'm not being pretentious) were a huge hit. They shamelessy begged food off everyone there and Lulu invited herself into several people's laps and passed out free kisses. She's a party whore.
 
I'm exhausted. This cookout has been my life for the last few days--planning, cooking, etc. I promise I'll have something interesting to say tomorrow. My copy of "Outfoxed" came in the mail today. Hopefully we'll get a chance to watch it at John and Dina's tonight. I will post my official review once I've seen it.

Special thanks to my darling husband Ethan for all his hard work today. We make a formidable team when we can manage to overcome our slackish natures and tendency toward apathy. Thanks as well to Stuart and Sara for the table and chairs and to John and Dina for the cooler and other goodies.

I smell a hint o' poop. I think one of the kittens we're fostering may have dropped a teeny kitten-sized deuce somewhere near the computer. I'm far too tired to hunt for it now. I'll deal with it later when it's dried up and not nearly so offensive.

And with that appetizing thought, I'll sign off for now and go put my feet up. I earned it, dammit!

 
TTFN

Why do I do these things to myself?

So it's 12:37 pm, T-2 hours, 23 mins and counting until a mass of Democrats come flooding into the apartment for food and Democratic comradery.  I'm already exhausted. I was up cooking, cleaning and blogging until about 1:30 last night and was up again at 8:45 th is morning banging away. I've gone pretty much non-stop for the last 3 1/2 hours and there's still tons of stuff to do.

On top of that, it's raining on and off. I hope it either a) stops completely or b) only half the 40 ppl who said they were coming actually show up. Otherwise we're fuck-diddly-ucked.

Still, it should be fun and a cool chance to meet some new people in the neighborhood.

Back to work, people. I'll post pics from the shindig later today or tomorrow.

Sexiness, thy name is pine cone.  

There really is a fetish for everything...

Some of the more interesting fetish clubs I found on Yahoo! Groups:

1.  Sporks (I shit you not, a club for people turned on by sporks. This one might be a joke, but the others aren't).

2.  Soccer shoes.

3.  Soft and hard neck braces (this one might be my favorite).

4.  Gay guys farting. (Nope, this one's my favorite--they advertise videos of gay men passing gas. Another niche market cornered!)

5.  Helmets. (This one I kinda get. Helmets are sexy. Viking and Roman Centurion helmets especially).

Unfortunately, a search for "fetish, pine cone" turned up nada. However, a search for "pine cone" did turn up a club called (once again, I do not shit you...) "pine-ing4u"; a club for pine cone craft enthusiasts. And that's the next best thing to a pine cone fetish club, if you ask me.

So unoriginal...

I was so inspired/impressed by my hubby's blog that I had to jump on the bandwagon. We'll see if this new hobby outlasts any of the previous ones (maximum duration 4 weeks). Start the clock, kids!

I haven't even figured out what this blog's "hook" will be, but am kicking around some ideas. Ok, one idea so far. I had this idea on the way to the grocery store (all my epiphanies come either in the car or on the hopper. sidenote: I've decided to refer to the toilet solely as the "hopper" from now on since I've learned that Dennis Hopper--formerly my favorite actor of all time--is a flaming Republican). But I digress--the idea:  Post extremely strange or inflammatory personal ads on various websites and publish on this blog not only the ad, but the responses to it. An example would be: "30 yr. old female looking for moderately attractive doctor or lawyer to make her a kept woman. Will cook your meals, raise your brats and occasionally suck your d*ck. Whites only." 

Or, "I want to touch people, and I want people to touch me...with pinecones. Serious inquiries only. " This one was inspired by a charmingly sweet personal ad I once saw by a gentleman with a balloon fetish. People get off on weird shit, yo.

Like I said, I'm just tossin' some ideas around. Feel free to make suggestions...

News of the Day:  It has never been muggier in the history of the world than it is right now. I should be cleaning the house and making more rice krispie treats for our cookout to benefit Kerry/Edwards tomorrow, but I've opted to sit in front of the computer instead. It's a lot cooler when you only have to move your fingers.

Speaking of the cookout, it's supposed to rain tomorrow as well. I hope to God not. I have 12 lbs. of burger and 50 hot dogs in my fridge and I'm fittin' to grill 'em, by gosh.

Strange thought of the Day: It's been a long time since we've heard a catchy pop tune about child abuse. It was all the rage at the end of the 80s. Remember "Luka?" Or "What's the Matter Here?" I'll tell ya what the matter is; the kid's gettin' the crap beat outta him. Put down your guitar and pick up the phone and call Child Protective Services, you pretentious c*nt.