Saturday night I dreamt that the zombie apocalypse occurred. The government somehow managed to neutralize the threat by eliminating the zombies' cravings for human flesh. Not clear how this was done--top secret and whatnot. I assumed some chemical agent was released into the atmosphere to do this, as putting down each individual zombie was too gargantuan a task. The result was that we were left with millions of non-threatening zombies roaming around aimlessly, with nothing to do. I turned on the news for the latest update on the situation, and Arizona governor Jan Brewer was holding a press conference to suggest that we deport them. To where, I have no idea. Then I woke up.
I was left with so many questions after this dream:
1. The zombie apocalypse happened and I didn't get to bludgeon even ONE of the motherfuckers? How lame is that? This is my dream life we're talking about--I should be a zombie-eradicating army of one!
2. How did the government have that zombie-neutralizing agent ready to go so fast? What do they know that we don't?
3. Is it legal to deport zombies who are former American citizens? Does citizenship expire at death?
4. I wonder how many jobs could be created to deal with the problem? It could single-handedly revive our failing economy. I'm envisioning a nation-wide network of zombie no-kill shelters where they could live out their days shuffling around in peace until they completely decayed. You know, like a nursing home.
I will continue to ruminate on this dream until the next. Until then, keep your blades and brains sharp. They're your two best weapons.
