It is exactly 3 weeks (less 6 hours and 45 mins) until Tobin's scheduled appearance. Great googly moogly. I'm terrified. Not of the surgery, I've had that before. Not of him finally being here and the awesome responsibility that entails, I've been ready for that for years, and I will treasure every sleep-deprived, hair-tearing, sore-boob moment of it.
I'm terrified of the those first few minutes between them pulling him out and telling me he's absolutely fine once they've suctioned all the goop out of him and given him his APGARs. I really need him to be OK from the get go. I know c-section babies sometimes need a little breathing assistance at the start, but I want him to come out wailing and red-faced and furious and I want them to wrap him up like a little sausage and hand him to his daddy so I can dote on him for a few minutes before he gets whisked off to the nursery and I get wheeled to recovery. I'm not sure if I can handle things going any other way, and I hope and pray it's a non-issue.
Then, when they bring him to me to nurse for the first time, and I've accepted the fact that he really is here and really is OK, I'll quietly scold him for the 9 months of worry and panic he put me through, not to mention the daily beatings.
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7 comments:
Oh, Vick, you have so many people pulling for you in their various ways that you don't even really know (literally: my psychiatrist said he was praying for you, all of the women on my online autoimmune illness list, my whole family and on and on) added on top of all of your family and friends and doctors and whatnot, that there is no need for you to let this weigh on you. TRYTRYTRY really TRY to enjoy this luxurious last few weeks; we're all shouldrering the weight for you, I **swear**. (I hung White Tara Prayer flags in our yard, even. Seriously.)
kayly is SO right- we're praying for you too!
Gee thanks, now I'm crying again :). To be fair, I have alternating bouts of excitement/confidence/peace and abject terror. Can't help it. It is what it is until he's here.
Vicki, I really admire how strong you've been so far. You're a role model of courage!
you made me cry too! i understand the reason for your worry and concern and i know it's an awful lot to deal with, but i admire the way you and ethan have been dealing. you are two very strong people and i know everything is alright this time .love ya mom
My son didn't cry at all when they took him out. Apgars of 9 and 10. He was just an utterly placid baby. Now my elder daughter... screamed for the first hour! Again, Apgars of 9 and 10.
I really do understand why you have these fears and worries but they are all PERFECTLY NORMAL. As is your little boy. Everything is going to be fine. You will be fine and so will he and you are going to be one of the most loving, close knit families I know.
Not long now. Enjoy these last couple of weeks of being able to put your feet up whenever you like and they'll be over faster than you know. I'm thinking of you and have every single confidence that everything is going to be MORE than OK for you guys.
I'm not worried about you, Vicki, I'm worried about your husband. My wife had three Cesarians, only the last of which was I allowed to attend. It made me think men can never be prepared for something like that. It was overwhelming in every sense.
Good luck to you all - all three.
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